If you've been following this blog or have known our family for any amount of time, you would know that I try to serve my family healthy, organic or natural food as much as possible. You would also know that I'm all about a good cheeseburger with french fries. Donut Bank is also a treat my family gets from time to time. I'm also a mom that serves dessert every night after dinner. You may also know that, out of the six of us, we have two very picky eaters. One being my husband and the other being Parker (my 4 yr old). Jeff's is by choice. Parker…I'm not sure what to call it. Strong will, texture sensitivity, scared to try new foods, or just extreme picky. Not sure I want to put a label on it but the boy is extremely finicky and is capable of going days without food!
Going back to Sept 2010, we were determined to break Parker of his poor eating habits. Over the course of the last year and a half, we've been fighting the battle and, while we've certainly made small steps, we still feel that we have a long road ahead of us. Generally, Parker eats breakfast and lunch most days and only eats dinner if it's pizza night (Friday night) or if we go out to eat and he gets to choose (which would be grilled cheese no crust, a cheese quesadilla, or pepperoni pizza). Over the past few years, the rule has always been, I'M NOT A SHORT ORDER COOK! IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I MADE, THEN YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING ELSE!! That rule has not and will not change. We've done the, you don't eat it for dinner you get it for breakfast then you don't eat it for breakfast then you get it for lunch then start all over again at dinner (with no snacks during the day)!!! We've done that rule a handful of times and the boy will go days without eating. One time he went 5 days without eating (he got milk with his Reliv vitamin supplement in the morning but that was it). We've gone through times thinking "this boy has amazing willpower." We've also gone through times thinking maybe it's a texture problem or maybe he is just scared to try new foods. But to be honest I think it is ALL of the above.
Let me remind you, from the very beginning, when he started eating baby food, he had a problem with food and textures. Some might argue and say it's because I waited until 9-10 months to induce baby food verse the normal 5-6 months. But that's been the case for the other 3 kids and they are all great eaters.
Let me fill you in on what food has been like for Parker since he was little.
At 10 months old we tried the normal homemade baby food and he just didn't want it. We tried again and again about every 2-3 weeks with no luck (other than YoBaby yogurt). At around 12 months, I would mix everything with YoBaby yogurt. Looking back…BIG MISTAKE! I take so much blame for Parker's eating habits, more on that later!
At 16 months old, Parker's sweet little sister was born and, by that time, things had not changed much. I was still adding YoBaby yogurt to everything and giving him lots of crackers and bread type foods. One, because he liked them and two, because they were easy and I was dealing with a newborn. Again BIG MISTAKE!!!!! Mom's, don't get in the habit of taking the easy way out, it just isn't worth it!
At 2 years old, I remember going to the doctor at his well check up and talking to the doctor about his eating habits. He didn't seem too worried and said a lot of kids go through picky stages and he would more than likely grow out of it. Looking back, I can't remember exactly what he was eating but I know he wasn't allowed sugary things (like cookies, cake or candy). I know he like bread, crackers, yogurt and applesauce. All of those things are still his foods of choice . I remember thinking "how is this boy growing?" He was a healthy little boy (well actually he wasn't little he had some girth to him LOL!).
At 3 years old, little had changed. As he was getting older, it was easier to talk to him and try to get him to understand the rules of the house. Again, the doctor wasn't too worried because he was still growing and was very healthy. Over that year I started inducing smoothies in our daily diet. It was a way I could pack tons of veggies and fruit in him. I started getting more concerned about his habits. Like I said earlier, I've never been a short order cook at dinner but breakfast and lunch was a little different. For some reason I didn't see a problem with tweaking each plate to their liking during these meals. Again [for our family] I think this is a BAD HABIT!!!! I also always took the easy way out when it came to breakfast. Super simple and easy recipes like toast, pancakes, dry cereal, oatmeal and muffins all cooked a certain way (can you say carb load? yikes what was I thinking!!!!). If I ever added something different to the normal breakfast food Parker would freak out! As for lunch it was always wraps or sandwiches with a fruit. Parker always had a cheese sandwich or cheese wrap or PB& J. I felt bad for Parker. He never ate dinner so at least I knew he was getting two meals in his belly and, to be honest, I felt bad for myself. The last thing I wanted to deal with was trying to get him to eat breakfast and lunch. As a stay at home mom, I didn't want to deal with it! Just being honest!!!! As far as snacks go, on a normal day they would get one snack around 9 and one around 2:30. Snacks had to be cheese, nuts, veggies or fruit. For Parker, he always chose applesauce (which was the only fruit he would eat) or string cheese. From time to time, on days that I was weak, I would pull out crackers or animal crackers (which I've learned is another bad habit to get into). Super easy, but not a good, healthy choice. They fill up on that stuff and aren't hungry at meal time. Also during this year we tried the "You don't eat it for dinner you get it for breakfast" rule. He would go days with out eating. We got to the point where we just wanted him to take a bite and try the food. What was so frustrating was he wouldn't even touch the food to his tongue. We weren't asking him to eat a whole bowl of steamed veggies, we just wanted him to try mac n cheese for crying out loud! We also tried the "You can't get up from the table until you try a bite" method and he would often stay there until bed time. We tried not doing anything. Being careful to not give him any negative attention at the table. If he didn't eat then he wouldn't get dessert but no other punishments. All of these methods we would try for weeks to months at a time in the effort to maintain consistency. Over the course of the year he learned to like corn dogs only on a stick (not the mini ones) and chicken nuggets only from McDonald's or Chick-Fil-A (which aren't healthy but ate least he was something other than grilled cheese and pepperoni pizza).
At his 4 year check up we talked to the doctor again about his food issues and he showed some concern. He believed it might be something more than just a picky eater. He said a lot of times, by age 4, you will see some progress and we really hadn't. He referred us to a feeding clinic. Jeff and I went back in fourth on if we should do it or not. The big factors were the money and time. Even with our insurance we would still have to pay a couple thousand dollars when it was all said and done and the time required would be difficult. Parker and I would have to go a couple times a week for a couple hours each session. His doctors appointment was back in July but it took months for us to get approved into the program. During those months we tried a new dinner rule for Parker, if you tried one bite then you could have breakfast. I just wanted the boy to start trying things. Over the next few months he started getting better at trying one bite (but believe me, we had many days were he just wouldn't eat). To watch him eat that one bite was painful. You could see the fear on his eyes and when he would finally talk himself into taking that [itty bitty] bite, he would gag his way through it.
Before we went on vacation in November, we thought the clinic would be worth the try. When we got back from vacation, the boy that went from eating one bite, from time to time, to trying 4 bites. This convinced us to alter the rule. Now, if you take 4 bites, you can have dessert. This rule was only for Parker, the other kids had to eat all of their dinner (or at least most of it) to get dessert. Guess what…he started eating four bites. Again, it was so painful to watch him. At times he would shake out of fear. He would sit there and stare at his plate. Once he would talk himself into it, he would gag through each and every bite! We were so excited though! He was making progress. So we decided to not do the program. We felt we were heading the right direction.
A couple of weeks ago we had noticed Parker's eating habits were influencing Reed and Cooper. This wasn't the case before. Reed would go as far as mimicking everything Parker did at the table. Last Sunday night was the worst. I made a wonderful dinner, it was a new recipe, Pineapple Pepper Chicken. This time ALL of the kids freaked out. The only person that liked it was Jeff! Avin is always up for trying new things but he just didn't care for the cooked pineapple. So that night I reached my breaking point and had a melt down. We have 2 other little ones coming that will watch their older brothers and sister eating at the table. I have to get this under control. So I came up with a plan!!!!!
Like I said before, I got in a habit of doing easy breakfast and lunches. I'm sure you don't blame me right, 4 kids and dinner is already so much work. The last thing I want to do is work with Parker during breakfast and lunches also. But I had no choice. If I wanted to get my family's eating habits under control, the time was NOW!!!! So I spent a night on Pintrest and google searching for different breakfast and lunch recipes. The main thing was breakfast (lunches would mainly be leftovers when we had them). We had a talk with all the kids and told them that mommy wasn't going to make sandwiches or wraps for lunch anymore and we we were going to be trying a bunch of new recipes. We had muffins leftover from breakfast, so I told them we would be eating those the next morning (they weren't Parker favorite anyways so I didn't mind serving them again) but after that we would be trying new stuff for breakfast. The rule was if they didn't eat breakfast then they didn't get their 9am snack and if they didn't eat lunch then they didn't their 2 snack. Also, snacks would be a fruit or another new recipe which would be a healthy option. Another thing, mommy will tell you what the snacks are and everyone will eat the same thing. That way Parker can't pick applesauce each time I say a fruit.
So, with the new rules on the table, and my new recipes saved on my pin board, I felt like I had a plan. I knew it would be a hard week and sure enough..I was right.
Here's the Menu Plan for the week:
Monday- B-blueberry muffin (leftover from Sunday morning), L- Pork Sandwich, D-Chicken/Rice
Tuesday- B- Egg/Bacon/Cheese Cups, L- Pineapple Pepper Chicken, D-Chicken Squares and tots
Wed-B-Oatmeal Bars, L- Burritos, D-Pork Chops/Green Beans/Wild Rice
Thursday-B- Energy Balls and yogurt, L- Bean Soup, D-Chicken and Dumplings
Friday- B-Egg/Bacon/Cheese Cups, L- Bean Soup, D- Pepperoni and Sausage Pizza
Saturday- B- Oatmeal Bars, Lunch and Dinner we took a road trip to Cinci to go to IKEA
Sunday- B- dry cereal (had to get to church by 8 and everyone slept in), L- Burritos, D- Mexican Pasta Shells
As you can see I'm not serving crazy non kid friendly food!!! He should love this stuff!!!
So other than Saturday traveling and Sunday's breakfast, we had new foods for breakfast and lunch. Monday - Wednesday SUCKED BIG TIME! I reached a melt down point with my mom on the phone on Wednesday morning. I just felt so defeated. It doesn't help that I'm 26 weeks pregnant with the twins and so uncomfortable ALL the time and I'm so emotional right now. She tried to encourage me and to told me to not be so hard on myself. But I still felt like we needed to push through. I think it's hard on NaNa's to hear that one of their grand babies hasn't ate in 3 days!! But at lunch on Wednesday, there was a turning point for Cooper and Reed. They finally caught on that Mommy meant business and things were going to be different. Both of them ate there lunch. Parker on the other hand didn't, but I was ok with focusing on the fact that we were making steps with the other kids. Let me just add, Cooper and Reed have always been good eaters, but just in the last few weeks they have started picking up on Parker's habits and they liked their sandwiches and wraps for lunch way too much so mommy taking those away was hard on them. Cooper kept saying "is this dinner or lunch mommy?" and, in the past, I would give in way too many times to Reed and give him an extra snack. Ok back to how the week went. So Parker went from Sunday at lunch being his last meal to Thursday morning not eating anything (he did get his Reliv vitamin shake each am). Thursday was Parker's turning point! Since Thursday, he has taken 4 bites of almost everything!!!!!! Even on Friday night he ate his whole pizza even though it had sausage on it and he gaged on every bite. Saturday morning he also ate the whole oatmeal bar that he wouldn't touch on Wednesday morning. Finally, we feel like we are making steps in the right direction. Four bites for Parker is a big deal!!!! As for the other kids, everyone is back to normal...eating me out of the house!!!!
Some might think after reading this Parker has some major food issues, and maybe we should be a little more sensitive to it. But to be honest, we feel that's not an option. I don't want him on some TV show when he's older talking about how he would only eat grilled cheese with no crust and pepperoni pizza!! Plus he has 5 other siblings that are going to be watching him and the choices he makes will effect the whole family!!!
I just want to add to the end of this post how special Parker is to our family! I know a lot of times when I talk about him it's about his food issues, but he has so many AWESOME qualities that I love!! The way he loves his brothers and sister is so genuine. I love watching him when he is at his best love on his siblings because he does it in a way that the other kids just don't. He is my little helper. If he see that I'm struggling to get something or if I drop something he will run across the room to help me. If one of his siblings gets upset because of something they would like but Parker's has it he will gladly give it up and say with a happy heart you can have it! If he sees that Reed is struggling to do something he will gladly help him. The way he looks at me deep in my eyes and tell me how much he loves me just melts my heart. I love how if we are sitting on the couch next to each other he has to have some body part touching mine (which is the case for a lot of the kids). He loves when I rub and scratch his back and is always so thankful after I'm done! And his sweet, loud voice. He has such a cute little voice that isn't so little…he talks very loud!!! I could go on and on about this little boy and his sweet spirit! I know he is going to make a difference in the big world we live in!
I'm so proud of my Pbear and I know if we stay focused we can help him get over the food issues, but I believe we have to focus on the way we run our household as much as we focus on Parker's food issues. It all plays a role. We have to be praying over this little boy and asking God for him to guide us in our ways of parenting. We have to be consistent in our ways even when it's hard and we just want to give up. Right now would be an easy time for us to say "lets just take the easy way out." We have twins on the way and our world's getting ready to be rocked, but, right now is when we have to step it up!!!!
So if I had any tips for other mom's out there I would say....
Don't turn to food to sooth your child. So many times we get in a habit…if they are whining to give them a cracker and that will make them happy. Try other things, get a craft out, read them a book or sing silly songs!! Come up with a eating schedule. Have one or two snack times during the day not five and I promise you they will eat better at dinner.
They will not die if they miss a meal and don't become a short order cook. Cook one thing for the family and that's it! If you don't like it you can eat it at breakfast! Harsh I know, but, if they are hungry enough, they will eat! It's so easy to just make them a PB & J sandwich if they don't like what your serving! Don't get in the habit of that, they are smart and they will could end up eating pb&j every night and it wouldn't bother them.
Have a plan. It's so easy if you're tired from working all day or if you were home all day with the kids to just give in and give them what they want but I promise you, if you push through it, it will all pay off!!! Also, be consistent with your plan. Don't change the rules from night to night or day to day! Have rules and stick to them or your kids will walk all over you!
Make a menu for the week or month. It's so much easier to just make something like a PB&J when you don't know what to make for lunch! Also since I've started freeze cooking I have no excuses. I have tons of healthy option in the freezer for all 3 meals!!!
Don't use the excuse "they are too young to understand." I did that with Parker. I thought "when I can carry on a conversation with him it will be easier." Nope Reed got the picture real quick this week!!!!
Take a little or nothing at all from this post. This is what works for our family. It doesn't' mean it will work for yours, but maybe just one one other mom out there can take something from this! That would make it all worth it to me to write this horribly long post!!!
